Memoirs and musings of Darius Bashar. Toronto portrait photographer and writer, in pursuit of all things real, raw and intimate.
One day I will no longer be able to pick up a camera.
One day I will no longer be able to use my hands to write and type.
One day I will no longer be able to hug and hold those I love.
These are facts. Each undeniable.
When I am able to truly accept these harsh realities, instead of feeling doomed, I experience freedom.
Freedom to say, do and be who I really am, before those "one days" find me and it's too late.
This past summer was one of my all-time favourites. It was especially great for my photography biz. I feel like I took some of the best photos I have ever taken these past few months. I also feel like I went on more photography adventures than ever before, which was definitely one of my intentions going into the summer.
As the summer ended, my energy began to change.
Maybe I was catching my breath from a very expansive summer.
Maybe I was in denial and was refusing to actually accept that summer was over.
Maybe there was some fear under the surface about what could happen with a 4th wave.
I needed a few weeks to feel what was there; to process and finally to integrate.
Instead of forcing myself to post on social, I took a whole month off. Zero posts in over 30 days. That’s a big shift from my regular 5 posts a week.
I needed this time to journal and process privately. To "fill the well", as Julia Cameron would say.
I am excited to be back on social. I am also nervous. It’s always a bit tense for me when I have not been sharing for a while.
I'm going to ride this excited/nervous wave for a bit. Once I finally surrender to the flow and get on the right side of momentum, it can actually be a lot of fun.
Anyone else feel a shift in September?
If I was able to purge my addiction to praise, what would remain?
As I asked myself this question this morning, a voice from inside interjected to say:
"But...we're not really addicted to praise… we could quit at any time. It's not like we NEED it every day."
Sound familiar?
Fear is needed. Fear is helpful. Fear can alert and awaken you to danger.Fear can even save your life. BUT if you let fear linger and stay around longer than it is needed,Fear will find a way to suffocate all the joy from your life. We were trained to ignore you.
We were programmed to treat you as invisible.
They told us it was for your own sake, out of respect to you. Can you believe that shit?!
"Don't stare, it's rude."
What they actually meant was, don't look too closely at them because you might discover how bloody our hands still are.
This next chapter is about me.
This next chapter is about my art.
This next chapter is about making things that turn me on.
I have become addicted to outcome and praise.
I love people, I really do, but my need to people please has got me lost.
I'm not here to make you comfortable.
I'm here to make.
Love,
D
I started in advertising at age 27.
I started film school at age 29.
I started cinematography at age 30.
I started photography at age 33.
I started making guided meditations at age 37.
I started making music at age 38 (i.e. last weekend).
In hindsight, this looks awesome. Especially now that I have a business that is stable and growing faster than ever.
But I remember that first year out of film school. I remember very clearly that I made just over $9,000 of income for the whole year. I remember how hard I struggled. I remember all the debt I acquired trying to pay my rent with my credit cards—not a good idea.
The truth is, during this time I often felt scattered, unsure and totally lost.
I would compare myself to others who were crystal clear on what they wanted to do—terrible mistake!
I now understand something really important:
My life is MY LIFE!
I don’t need to follow anyone else’s plan.
I don’t need to compare my journey to others.
Also, I don’t expect anyone else to understand my vision for my own life.
And finally… I don’t need anyone else’s permission to be my fullest self.
Because it’s a journey. And we are adventurers.
🧭
PS: If you’re at a place in your own journey where it feels murky and unclear, the best piece of advice I can give you is to find a practice or process that brings you closer to your heart. Our hearts have infinite wisdom and are therefore the greatest compass we can ask for.
It can be as simple as taking a few deep breaths, closing your eyes, placing your hand on your chest and listening to hear if your heart has something to tell you—it almost always does.
Pull up any one of your social media pages and compare “that person” to yourself in real life. Then I want you to consider the following 3 questions…
Question 1: Is this what I really look like?
Question 2: Is this how I actually speak? Is that my voice?
Question 3: Is this how funny or fun I am in real life?
Here are my answers…
Question 1: Is this what I really look like?
Yes, this is what I look like in real life. But if you take a look at my older posts, photos of myself were rare. It took a lot of work for me to finally realize that I was hiding behind my photography and that I did not want the world to see ME. Now my social media feed has lots of photos of me—you can actually see my face! I love that dude.
Question 2: Is this how I actually speak? Is that my voice?
Social Media D has a more serious and more poetic tone than Real Life D. I think this is okay, but I also I think there is room for me to bring my real voice to my social pages a bit more.
Question 3: Is this how funny or fun I am in real life?
Definitely NOT. Real Life D is WAY more fun; anyone who really knows me knows how freaking goofy I am. I am not sure why, but this side of me seems to be missing from my social.
I’m curious why Goofball D doesn’t feel allowed (or maybe doesn’t feel safe) to play on my social media pages. Especially now that people are experimenting with reels and shorter format content that works so well with humour.
To be honest, it feels more risky to me to attempt to make ‘em laugh than it does to go deep and be vulnerable. Naked pictures and stories about challenging times in my life somehow feel safe now, yet lighthearted goofball content feels scary AF.
—————
NOW IT’S YOUR TURN. Ask yourself the same 3 questions and let me know if you learned anything. Do you feel like there’s room for the real you to show up on your social media? Which part of you feels the most underrepresented and why?
There is no such thing as ready.
There is no such thing as perfect.
And there is nothing we need to create.
We get to create. It’s a privilege—NOT a chore.
Also, our days are numbered on this cosmic rollercoaster ride called Earth.
Tomorrow is never promised to any of us. There are no exceptions.
This is not a bad thing; it’s actually a really beautiful thing.
We are ALL sacred and whole from the beginning to the end.
Your move.
I used to really struggle with speaking from my heart. I used to bury my truth from the world, worried I might burden people and feeling embarrassed if I took up too much space.
Don't get me wrong… There is great value in humility and making space for others, but that’s not what this is about. Playing small is not humility. Quite the contrary, playing small is an act of selfishness.
At the crux of playing small is a limiting belief that states:
"If I get too big, I won't be loved."
What I've experienced in my life is that when I speak from my heart and let my light shine through, I end up giving others permission to do the same. Playing big activates the light in others and allows you to bond and connect with people on a much deeper level. This actually creates more opportunities for love in your life.
Standing boldly in your power and letting your light shine through is a very important gift we give our community and the world. It inspires others to do the same: to seek out their own truth and follow their hearts. This is a great responsibility and privilege we each hold.
The game-changer for me was in realizing that the light that shines through me is not actually mine at all. It belongs to God. And when we deny that light from shining through us, we are denying God.
Joseph Campbell said it best:
"The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are."
Personally, I'm done playing small. It does not serve me, my community, or The Universe.
So shine bright my friend.
Before it's too late.
—————
The beautiful human in these photos is my dear friend Luciana. You can learn more about her and her magic here —> https://www.instagram.com/lucianawithlove
- Originally written Jan 03, 2018
