Memoirs and musings of Darius Bashar. Toronto portrait photographer and writer, in pursuit of all things real, raw and intimate.
Sometimes the most productive thing I can do is to go slow and do absolutely nothing.
Sometimes the best thing I can do for my business is to put my phone away and go for a walk.
Sometimes the best life advice comes from eye gazing with a newborn baby.
This past week I spent quality time with family and friends in Florida. I was once again reminded that I am so much more than my work, and that life is so much more than checking things off a to-do list.
I spend a lot of time thinking about future projects, future plans, and future creations.
I am most excited when I focus on my next creative idea.
But when I slow down…
And give myself some space…
I notice just how much my life and the world has changed in the past 2+ years. And I can quickly feel overwhelmed.
On paper things still seem the same:
I am still a photographer.
I am still in a committed relationship with my partner Jenn.
I still live in Toronto.
I still share stories about my life on social media.
But somehow everything feels different.
The world has changed a lot in the past two years.
These changes impacted all of our lives differently, and I don’t want to argue about which changes were good or bad. I just want to hold space and give us all permission to feel our overwhelm.
The point isn’t to stay in the overwhelmed feelings forever. But if you never give yourself space to actually process the immense shifts of the past two years, then that feeling of overwhelm can stay lodged in your nervous system, like half-digested food.
Those unprocessed feelings can start to spread through your system and begin to steal your energy.
Our nervous systems are still recovering from all the rapid and abrupt changes in the past 2 years.
Yes, it’s scary to consciously step into overwhelm.
No, you don't need to rush into it.
You can go slowly.
I am going to start by journalling and using my morning pages to slowly unpack what's there for me.
And don’t forget that you also don't need to do it alone. I promise there are others in your life who are also experiencing something similar—I sure am.
PS: I know the image below says to keep running, but you are allowed to stop running and rest for a while. We have all been running for a very long time now.
Almost everyone I know wants to be more creative. And it takes a lot of courage to do so.
Diving into the depths of your heart and finding your truth requires great bravery, and it’s easy to get stuck by becoming self-critical and super fucking judgey.
So here’s a simple way out of this trap:
Find photos of you as a child and scatter them throughout your home or workspace. You don’t need a ton; one to five photos works great.
When you see the photos, take a moment to connect with the little human in these pictures. And most importantly take a moment to remember that there is a beautiful and precious part of you that is starting something creative. This younger version of yourself needs your love, your patience and your compassion way more than they need your criticism.
This is true all of the time, but it is especially true if you are starting a new project.
Yes, you may be an adult with decades of wisdom. But if you just started a podcast, TikTok, newsletter, group coaching, etc… then there is another part of you that still feels 8 years old.
You can ask yourself (and that younger part of you) simple questions like:
Are you having fun?
What’s your favourite part so far?
What would you like to try next?
And most of all, make sure to leave plenty of room for PLAY and CELEBRATION.
PS: Here are some photos of younger D. If you are interested send me a few photos of your younger self too. We’ll have a party for all the kids. :)
If you believe in biological evolution, then you probably know that survival is a priority over happiness for any species. And that most definitely includes the human species.
I was reading about this recently in Homo Deus by Yuval Noah Harari.
We are not built to stay happy. In order for our ancestors to survive, the human body evolved the ability to intentionally flush out the chemicals that cause feelings of happiness and fulfilment.
I’m sure it was a satisfying feeling to secure a meal for the tribe. It likely created a sense of happiness for many, but this biochemical experience of happiness needed to be fleeting and temporary. Otherwise our ancestors would hunt once and never feel a need to seek out another meal.
They needed to stay hungry and focus on what’s next.
This fleeting sense of happiness was essential to our survival as a species. This trait would become ingrained into many generations of humans to come.
We needed this trait to survive, but when this ancient human trait gets activated in modern times it can feel messy and exhausting. Mostly because for most of us our survival is no longer in question.
Here’s how it can look in modern times…
I really want a new camera. →
I work hard and secure a new camera and feel happy. →
My body flushes out the happy chemicals. →
I feel a deep longing for a better camera. →
Repeat.
Replace “camera” with job, house, partner, books, etc.
Our biology is not set up for consistent happiness.
Our biology is set up to encourage us to continually want more.
This is not because the world is a bad place or that humans are inherently greedy. It’s because nature, evolution, the Universe, God—whatever you want to call the intelligent designer that created humans—cared about us and wanted us to survive.
The privilege of our generation is to have awareness of these biochemical traits and to find ways to work them in to our current lives.
That goal you want so badly? It will make you happy. But only for a very short moment. Then your body and mind will lovingly flush out the happy chemicals so that you may want something more.
So here’s a question for you to consider:
How would your life change if you knew that soon after achieving any goal, your body would let the happiness go and give you a fresh start?
The last time you got to say I love you.
The last time you were able to pick up your kid before they got too big.
The last time you’ll hear your parents voice on a voicemail.
We almost never know when it’s the last time.
If this summer was your last summer, what is one thing you’d want to do, create or be?
In a world that is very loud and moves very fast, sometimes it’s so hard to know what you really want.
Because everywhere you look there is another person telling you what success is:
Look like this. 👁👄👁
Eat like this. 🥑🥦🥒
Create like this. 🎻🥇🎨
Family like this. 🏡👨👩👦🫶🏼
Bank account like this. 📈💰💎
Sex like this. 💦⚡️🔥
Coaches, authors, therapists, guides, gurus and trainers with absolute certainty and confidence visit you on every screen in your house, breaking it all down with clarity and focus.
“This is what you should want. This is what you’re missing. Here’s what will fix you…”
While many of these humans have good intentions, none of these humans are YOU.
So if you are open to it, here’s a 60-second experiment that might bring you closer to what you really want and who you really are.
(Remember that this exercise is private and personal. You don’t need to share this with anyone else.)
Put your phone away.
Find a comfortable seat.
Close your eyes and take 3 deep breaths, each getting deeper and longer than the last.
Place one hand on your heart.
Ask your heart the following question: “Dear heart, is there something you want to share with me?”
Listen carefully and hear if your heart has a message for you.
BONUS: If you are open to it, see if there is a message you want to share back with your heart.
If it turns out that your heart is feeling shy today, that’s okay too.
Be patient and kind with your heart; there is a chance she’s been through a lot and could use some support.
I’m rooting for you and your heart.
Love,
D
When was the last time you celebrated how far you've come?
I get it. You’re ambitious. You are laser focused on growth, expansion and what’s next. That part of you is awesome.
On the other hand, when was the last time you slowed down just enough to recognize that what was once only a dream is now a reality?
Just for a moment, if you are open to it, let’s express a little bit of gratitude for how far you’ve come.
Slow down with me for 1 minute and let's take three deep breaths together.
Close your eyes and send a “thank you” to the previous versions of you who did the best they could, made many sacrifices and got you to this very moment.
What would happen if you gave yourself a chance to celebrate—and maybe even revel in—how far you've come?
Big love,
D
Human by: @soulbrotherdane
Photo by: @dariusbashar
“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.” – Albert Camus
It’s cold out there. And for many of us in Ontario, it’s extra gloomy because of another lockdown.
Today, I choose to focus on warmer days like the one in this picture frame.
This photo was taken the first year Jenn and I started dating. One of our favourite things to do back then was to visit farmers’ markets.
I don’t even remember what else we did on that day. Nothing big or unusual happened. And still, this particular day was special for me.
It’s special for me because when I look at this photo, I can teleport myself back to the emotions of that very moment. I distinctly feel how much joy, love and warmth was available to me on that day.
It’s nice to have photos of warm moments like this, especially on cold and gloomy January days. It’s almost like going on a mini vacation for a few moments.
If you’re open to it, pull up your phone and find a photo that holds a special place in your heart. Better yet, send a few photos to family and friends and spread that warmth around.
There’s a good chance that people you know could really use a mini vacation today.
Big love,
D
One day I will no longer be able to pick up a camera.
One day I will no longer be able to use my hands to write and type.
One day I will no longer be able to hug and hold those I love.
These are facts. Each undeniable.
When I am able to truly accept these harsh realities, instead of feeling doomed, I experience freedom.
Freedom to say, do and be who I really am, before those "one days" find me and it's too late.
