Everyone is experiencing the coronavirus differently. 

I have seen a wide spectrum of responses: some people in full panic-mode, and some people who are almost in denial that it is happening. 

Most people I know are not on either extreme, but fall somewhere in the middle. 

I am not here to tell you which perspective is right, because I don’t think there is such a thing as a right perspective.

But I want to offer a loving suggestion for when you have conversations about what’s going on:

Leave a little room for people having a different experience from yours. 

I did NOT follow this suggestion last night; I tried to push my perspective of the coronavirus situation onto a dear friend. My comments came from a place of good intentions, but if I’m being honest, also from a forceful place of wanting to fix the situation.

This dear friend is a new dad and I was somehow oblivious to how much more difficult the news of this outbreak would be for him. I didn’t hold enough space for him to share his views on the matter, and only really saw things through my own lens: a healthy, 37-year-old man with no children. 

I felt really shitty afterwards and apologized to my friend. I messed up, but I am really glad we talked. It snapped me out of my self-oriented perspective and opened my heart to more empathy for others. 

We are currently going through a really complicated and challenging situation. I am not sure what’s in store, but I am going to do my best to send love and hold space for people—even if I don’t share their view.

Also, I am going to pay special attention to notice when the experiences of others crosses a boundary or creates harm for me. When this happens I am going to do my best to lovingly step away from that energy, without judging or making that person out to be wrong. 

I have no need to fix, judge or take on other people’s experiences or energy.

This is going to be really challenging for me, but I think it will also be a great opportunity to put into practice so many of the mindfulness and self-love practices I have been working on for the past few years. 

Much love,
D

A crazy idea dropped into my meditation today: what if I held weekly open hours and I committed to doing 2 FREE photoshoots every week?

It’s ambitious, but here’s how I see it:

• I want more people to love what they look like in photos.

• I want to push and challenge my photography skills.

• I want to engage my social media community with something that has REAL FREAKIN VALUE.

These would be super short photoshoots (30 mins max) and very different from my normal 4-hour HEARTshots process. But it would be all the same professional gear, the same amazing studio space and of course the same photographer. 

Here’s what you’d get:

• 15 mins of shooting with me

• 15 mins to review and select the photos together (I can help you)

• 3 final photos (Full HD)

I am still figuring out how to select the 2 people every week. In the meantime, if you’re interested in this little experiment, comment below with the words “pick me” or tag someone you think needs awesome new photos.

Men are not suppose to wear makeup. 

Men are not suppose to wear dresses. 

And men are definitely not suppose to date other men. 

Most men I know grew up accepting these statements to be true. 

So a beautiful and powerful person like my dear friend Micha Edwards might be confusing to men who are still holding on to a boxed-in definition of manhood. 

From films and pop culture, to athletes and business icons, as young men we were taught that we needed to toughen up and “grow a pair” to really make it.

We’re also taught that the opposite of being a man is being called a pussy. And that “real men” don’t hold feminine qualities and attributes. Where I grew up, if you called someone a pussy it was almost always followed by violence.

There is a rigid box that defines what makes a man, DO NOT GO OUTSIDE THAT BOX. 

You know what else is a rigid box? A prison.

And that’s what it can feel like for anyone that wants to express, explore and expand, but is instead held down and told to stay small and stay quiet. 

I’ve put in a lot of work to expanding and stepping outside of this box, because of what my heart could always feel to be true:

What we consider feminine qualities are not the enemy. Men who live outside the boxed-in definition of manhood are just as powerful and necessary.

And most importantly, love is love. 

My heart has tremendous capacity and love for incredible humans like Micha. 

I see God’s light in him when he expresses his fullness. I feel his power when he sings and dances and especially when he speaks from his heart. 

His kindness and compassion for others gives me hope. 

I love this man. 

He is my brother. He is art.

He is God… and so are you. 

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Hello beautiful humans.

If you have 30 seconds I could use your opinion. Can you help?

I want to make content that connects with you. Instead of guessing, this week I thought I’d ask.

If you have a sec, take a peek at the 10 ideas below and let me know which one you want to see next week.

1. Tips to help you take better self-portraits.

2. Tips on how to be more natural in front of the camera. 

3. A personal post about my relationship with Jenn.

4. More naked men photos from the SoftMen project.

5. Beautiful fashion photography photos. 

6. Tips on how I used social media to generate $15k a month last year.

7. A goofy dancing video.

8. A video tour of my studio.

9. A video about my morning routine. 

10. An intimate story about photographing famous people.

Leave me a comment with which one is your fave. Feel free to add multiple numbers if you want to see more than one.

Thanks for your support.

PS: If you have another idea of something you want me to post about next week, feel free to share the suggestion in the comments or send me a direct message.

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Yesterday was an emotionally intense day for me.

So today I just want to be light and remember how much love and joy exists in my life. 

Happy holidays, beautiful humans.

Thank you for being a part of my journey, and for all the love, support and hilarity you bring to my life. 

I love you.

D

Dear Jenn,

This morning I looked at the images in the gallery of my Instagram profile. I asked myself how close my page was to the real me. 

Were there any major elements missing from my life?

Any glaring gaps? 

Oh yes.

There definitely was. 

One of the most important people in my life was missing from my feed. 

My beloved.

My sweetheart.

My Bestie.

I could not find YOU on my page. 

Well.. that's not entirely true. “Jenn” is all over my page, but there isn't a single picture of you and I TOGETHER. 

This made me very sad. Maybe a part of me was scared to share our love with my followers. Maybe I had some sort of preconception of who I needed to be on Social Media. Maybe I was afraid of annoying people.

But the truth is, Jenn, you are the most important person in my life. If I want to uphold my reputation of being honest and real with my community, it makes no sense not to celebrate and acknowledge our partnership. It's so pivotal to all aspects of my growth. 

Jenn, I love you.

You bring so much joy, laughter, power and adventure into my life.

Thanks for being the cheekiest of monkeys.

xoxo

Darius

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Now get over it and go change the world.

It took me a long time to accept that I look different from how I used to. Specifically, it took me a long time to accept that I was balding. 

For so long, my identity was connected to a younger version of myself with a full head of hair. And secretly I didn’t want people watching my videos and saying, “What happened to Darius? He got old!”

But they were right.
I did get older.
So did they.
So did everyone else.

That’s how the human experience works. We get older and WE CHANGE.

After shooting over 300,000 photos of people’s faces, I have seen this unavoidable fact (that we are all getting older and changing) hold so many people back from fully showing up in their lives.

They’re waiting for their 21 year old body to return. 
They’re waiting to time-travel back into their teenage years.
They’re waiting for their wrinkles to disappear and the hair on their heads to grow back. 

And while no one expects any of these things to actually happen, somehow we still wait. 

Our younger selves deserve love and respect, but our current selves are FUCKING POWERFUL exactly as they are. Because our current selves are the only ones that have a voice. 

They are the only ones who can create change NOW. 

I have wrinkles.
I have less hair on my head.
I have more weight around my belly. 

I LOOK different. Because I AM different. 

And now it’s time to MAKE A FUCKING DIFFERENCE. 

Who’s with me? 

TBD

Where are all my Middle Eastern men? 

Where are all my Asian men?

Where are all my African men? 

Where are all my Latin men?

Where are all my Indigenous men?

Where are all my Caribbean men?

Where are all my South Asian men? 

Powerful, ETHNIC men.

Brave and beautiful MEN OF COLOUR.

Where are you?!

Every day I get more men volunteering to be a part of my SoftMen book. I am so grateful for every brave man who throws his hat in the ring. Your courage, your commitment to growth—both personal and societal—is something I cherish and deeply respect. 

But I am noticing a trend.

95% of the men volunteering to get naked in front of my camera are white men.

I love my white brothers. Their stories and their hearts are an important part of this journey, but this book and this movement needs to be about more than just white men. 

The men I choose to include or not include in this book will make a statement. 

The amazing SoftMen that exist in my life are so diverse, so eclectic and expansive. I want that to be represented in this book. This extends far beyond race. Sexual orientation, age, and body types are important to consider. There are others as well.

If you believe it’s important to celebrate the softness in ALL men, please tag or share this post with any men of colour that you believe would be a good fit. 

And also, to my white brothers, keep reaching out. I want you here too. I want to continue sharing your stories and your hearts with the world. I just want to make sure there is space for all of us.

PS: I know there are other social identifiers of men that I am missing. Besides race, body type, age and sexual orientation, what other men would be important to include in a book about SoftMen?

For more on this project —> www.SoftMen.art

Tomorrow I will ask a man to stand in front of my camera and strip it all away.
His clothing. His armour. His walls.  
This brave man will be totally naked and exposed to the world.
As we embark on a totally new and unknown journey.

Tomorrow, I take my first portraits for my Soft Men book. 

There are so many emotions building up for me. So many question marks. 
There is also tremendous gratitude to The Universe for trusting me with this project. 
And deep appreciation to this beautiful brave man who has volunteered to be Portrait 001. 

I commit to showing up fully. To staying open. 
I commit to (emotionally) meeting this brave man wherever he is. 
I commit to power over force. 
I commit to letting go of expectations and just flowing. 
I commit to creating a safe space for both of us to release and heal. 

I surrender to the grace and deep wisdom of The Universe.
I trust that she will take us where we need to go. 

 — — — — 

If you want more information on this project or maybe you want to be one of the 50 Soft Men to be photographed in the book, you can go to www.softmen.art. 

 — — — — 

PS: In case you were wondering, these photos are from a different project / photoshoot from last year. They are not part of my Soft Men book, but have a very similar essence to them. Soft Men Portrait 001 kicks off tomorrow.

(CLICK TO ENLARGE PHOTOS)

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My brother, we were right this whole time.
The Infinite, she is real.
I found her, on a Tuesday afternoon, on the edge of a hospital bed.
The truth is, cancer saved my life. 
It's not too late to join me, brother.
Everything you ever wanted,
all your wildest dreams,
are here on the other side of that mask.