Memoirs and musings of Darius Bashar. Toronto portrait photographer and writer, in pursuit of all things real, raw and intimate.
I am committed to making this the BEST SUMMER OF MY LIFE. In order to make that a reality I have convinced my favourite artists in the city to wake up early and let me take their photos for a new collection I am calling the Summer of Art.
Ben is Portrait 001.
Our most important task as creative beings is to make space, so that God can flow energy through us. 🎬
If you want to create more, you will need to let go of anything that is needlessly filling you up. Otherwise, there will be no room for greatness to flow through you.
But letting go can feel overwhelming.
It requires radical self-awareness and honesty, both of which will leave you stripped naked and exposed.
And sure, being naked can be terrifying. 🫥
But it can also be one of the most liberating human experiences—if you let it.
People ask me, “Why did you choose to make those pictures black and white?”
It’s a good question.
For me, some of the most colourful photos I have ever taken are technically colourless.
Something really interesting happens when you consciously remove things from the frame.
I can feel and see clearer when there is less.
I can connect with a human in a deep and more intimate way.
Everything is amplified, including the essence of their soul.
I fell in love with portrait photography through black and white photos and to this day they are my favourite way to capture portraits.
I still love colour photography, but black and white will always be my first and deepest love.
Huge thank you to Jordan Lindo for saying yes to being apart of my SoftMen portrait series. Love you brother!
D
Dear Adil,
I have known you for more than 20 years.
It’s been such a gift to have you as a friend for over two decades.
To watch you grow and to be able to grow alongside you.
It’s been a thrill to witness you lead organizations and projects that have impacted the lives of thousands, such as the Center for Social Innovation, Reset and Toronto For Everyone.
And to watch your incredible love story with the brilliant and beautiful Shilbee as it unfolded over the past decade has templated what is possible within love, for me and so many others.
You and I have probably had more courageous conversations than I’ve had with any other male friend in my life. The type of conversation that might start off difficult, because it addresses a hard truth, but then ends up changing our lives in so many amazing ways by allowing us to look at parts of ourselves that needed attention.
Recently, you held space for me as I processed some grief, sadness and anger. It was very difficult and much needed. Yet I want you to know that it inspired me and gave me hope about what is possible in friendship, especially amongst two men.
I love you Adil.
I can’t wait to continue growing alongside you and to keep rooting for you and your gigantic heart.
Big love,
D
PS: If you want to see the video reel I made for Adil you can find it on my Instagram or my TikTok.
There was something very special about Malia.
She sparkled.
You can clearly see the sparkle in her eyes in the photos.
You can also hear the sparkle in her voice during her answer at the end of the video.
I can even feel her sparkle now in my heart this morning as I write this post.
We had a really sweet and funny interaction. Most of which is not shown in this video. I had to cut so much fun conversation out because I felt like Malia’s answer at the end of the video needed to be heard.
It starts off simple, “Just be yourself.” But then with everything she adds I realize it’s probably the hardest advice to live up to in real life.
There are so many forces in life that want us to fit into a template—our society, our culture, even our families. It happens right before our eyes, and if we’re not careful, we wake up feeling like we’re living someone else’s life.
It even happened to me. At one point I lived a life that people expected me to live: I worked a high-paying job, lived in a beautiful condo, had a fancy car, and more. But inside I felt like a total phony. And when I drove home from work I couldn’t ignore the pain in my heart and body. I wanted to scream, “Whose life is this?!”
I took a giant risk by letting go of who I was supposed to be to find out who I really was. I started over completely and built my life from the ground up. And that was just the beginning.
Who we are is constantly changing. So in order to be myself I needed to build an ongoing relationship with me. This required deep listening, deep compassion, and the courage to act on it.
This takes courage because it can be terrifying. But not as terrifying as living someone else’s life ever was.
Thank you Malia for taking time out of your day to make art with a stranger. I needed to hear your advice.
Your answer allowed me to reflect on my own journey and the many times I was lost because I was living for others. And it reminded me how committed I have now become to being myself.
Big love,
D
PS: If you want to see the behind the scenes video of me approaching Malia and taking these photos, check out my Instagram or my TikTok.
I spotted her from 100 feet away. Chelsey was radiant. Unmissable. Her smile felt like receiving a hug from someone you love.
It didn’t take much convincing for her to join me for a 30-second photoshoot.
I found her answer at the end of the video interesting.
Because I think we could all use more confidence in our lives.
If you could send confidence to a version of yourself from the past, who would you send it to? Which version of you needs confidence the most? Is it your 5-year-old self, your 25-year-old self, or maybe even you today?
Thank you Chelsey for taking the time out of your day to make art with a stranger. If you’re reading this, know that your smile and warmth gave me a lot of comfort on a day like today. Today I feel extra tender and can’t seem to find my own confidence. It’s kind of amazing how a stranger can warm your heart, even from hundreds of miles away.
Big love,
D
PS: If you want to see the behind the scenes video of me approaching Chelsey and taking these photos, check out my Instagram or my TikTok.
One yes can change everything.
My goal on this day of photographing strangers was to take photos of 5 awesome humans. After almost 2 hours of walking around in a new city in a different country, with no photos of strangers, I was ready to give up.
Things didn’t go as I had hoped. I was stuck. And the longer I was stuck, the more I convinced myself to give up.
I let so many awesome strangers walk right by me. I was imagining people rejecting me without even speaking to them. I convinced myself they would say no and watched dozens and dozens of people walk away.
The moment I was about to quit, I sat down on a bench and heard a voice whisper:
“Most people quit right before something interesting is about to happen. Shoot the damn ball, Darius.”
Then I looked up and saw this super interesting dude, who would be my first yes in this new city.
The rest of the day I spiralled into a winning streak. I felt like I was flying.
This isn’t groundbreaking; it’s just basic math. If there are zero attempts, there are zero failures.
You can’t miss a basketball shot if you never shoot.
Let alone win a game. Or have fun playing.
I was even ready for more people to say no. And that felt totally okay. Shooting and missing are just a part of the game.
This video actually starts with a gem of a human at the counter saying no thanks, then suggesting I photograph her co-worker and friend Val.
I needed that NO to bring me one step closer to my next YES.
In this example I was only seconds away.
Sometimes it’s not that immediate. But what if there’s a yes out there waiting for you?
Are you willing to shoot your shot and let go of the damn ball?
Love,
D
PS: If you want to see the behind the scenes video of me approaching Val and taking these photos, check out my Instagram or my TikTok.
I was moved by Jonny’s answer at the end of today’s video.
Jonny is only 20 years old, but he feels like he’s got to hurry up and make moves.
Or maybe I am projecting. Because that’s how I feel too: as if I’m always 50 steps behind where I should be.
This feeling started when I was around 10 years old when I got into sports. Playing basketball made me feel important and connected to something greater than myself. So I told myself I needed to make it to the NBA. It’s like a fire inside me was lit.
I am now 40 years old—double Jonny’s age—and I still feel the constant fear and sadness that I won’t live up to my potential.
I’m perpetually hungry for more. Hungry to make more, to express more, and to be more within my life.
But when I’m not careful, this hunger burns me out. In fact, even when I am careful, it still sometimes does.
I think about how Steve Jobs famously said the key to life is to “stay hungry.”
While I agree, I also think that if you don’t take time to slow down, to celebrate how far you’ve come, and to count the blessings already in your life… the same hunger that drives you becomes the hunger that starves you.
I’m starting to open up about my fears of not being enough with my friends. They encourage me to be kind to myself, and remind me of how far I’ve come. I am grateful for their support and love. But to be honest sometimes it’s hard to receive and believe. The fire inside is too big and too hungry and somehow I am back to feeling behind.
So thank you Jonny, for getting it. And for taking time out of your shift at the restaurant to make art with a stranger.
Big love,
D
PS: If you want to see the behind the scenes video of me approaching Jonny and taking these photos, check out my Instagram or my TikTok.
Here are 7 things I love about dogs:
They don’t give a shit about how much money you make.
They make great cuddle buddies.
They demand that you spend time outside in nature.
They make sure you move your body every day.
They can smell your emotions—you can’t hide your feelings from them.
They will teach you a masterclass in unconditional love.
Loyalty.
When I was a kid, I had a dog named Comet. She was like a rocket: a beautiful, crazy-fast black lab who felt more like a sibling. And she kind of was, since my mom worked a lot as a nurse and I was an only child.
I remember the first time my mom and I met Comet as a tiny puppy. My mom had no interest in getting a dog, as a single mom who had too much on her plate already. But then Comet went outside to pee—sitting down. My mom had never seen a girl dog pee before. She instantly fell in love with Comet and said, “She pees like a lady.”
Dogs have a way of bringing people together and melting the protective armour around our hearts.
Thank you Chrissy for taking time out of your day to make art with a stranger. And a special thanks to Boogie, for keeping us present in the moment.
It was a treat to meet both of you.
Big love,
D
PS: If you want to see the behind the scenes video of me approaching Chrissy + Boogie and taking these photos, check out my Instagram or my TikTok.
What you don’t see in the video is that right before I found Zenartwerk, I was sitting on a bench having a pity party for myself.
This was my first day in Florida and my first time photographing strangers in a different country. I was nervous and didn’t know what to expect.
I was contemplating calling it a day after walking for 90 minutes without finding one person to photograph.
But that’s not true. I found many people, it’s that I couldn’t find the courage to walk up to them.
Then I saw Zenartwork, waiting for a bus across the street.
This dude just has a look that’s impossible to take a bad photo of. The results were magic.
But honestly his answer at the end perplexed me.
“Look good.”
What did he mean? Was he talking about physical appearances? I’m so used to people sharing such deep insights at the end that it caught me off guard.
I think I am only just now starting to understand.
After watching his video 5 times, I feel like I finally got it. And it’s deep.
What Zenartwerk meant—and I didn’t see this before—is to pay close attention to what’s around you.
Look good.
This was exactly the advice I needed in that moment, when I was almost done looking.
So many of us—myself included—quit right before something interesting is about to happen. But when we pay attention, it gives us the energy to keep going.
Things move slower. There is less of a rush. It allows us to see the love and art and God that exists everywhere.
It gives us the patience we need to reach the breakthrough just around the corner.
After this shoot with Zenartwerk, I was blessed to connect with 4 more amazing humans in less than 45 minutes. Each person was unique, magical, and willing to take time out of their day to make art with a total stranger.
Thank you Zenartwerk for sharing that deep wisdom with me.
I’ve got my eye open thanks to you.
Big love,
D
PS: If you want to see the behind the scenes video of me approaching Zenartwerk and taking these photos, check out my Instagram or my TikTok.
