Memoirs and musings of Darius Bashar. Toronto portrait photographer and writer, in pursuit of all things real, raw and intimate.
“This is your world. If there is something you need, ask for it.
If there is something you want to give, give it.
If there is something you want to risk, risk it.
Practice seeing what it’s really like to do what you need—and what you want—to do in this world.
Whatever comes up, we will deal with it.”
- Ann Bradney, Founder of the Radical Aliveness Institute
Dear human,
You are art.
Even when you can’t find the words to speak.
Even when you are unable to send a single work email.
Even when you can’t be in the same room with people you love because you feel introverted AF.
Somehow, despite it all, you are still a stroke of brilliance.
Yours forever,
Darius
#loveletterstomyself #selflove #SoftMen
How can I be of service to the world?
I can write and use my voice. I can share my vision.
I can tell honest stories, share sincere lessons, and make people laugh.
I can take risks and make mistakes.
I can fall apart… and rebuild stronger.
How can I be of service to the world?
I can share my love.
I can share my love story.
And I can love my story.
How can I be of service to the world?
I can care more about people.
And less about what people think of me.
And be an honourable son, brother, cousin, nephew, and father.
I can teach by doing, and remind people how beautiful they truly are.
How can I be of service to the world?
I can honour and respect my human.
And take full responsibility for my mistakes.
I can forgive everyone, all the time… including myself.
I can fall deeply in love with God.
And remember that my human is my soulmate.
Me: How many talks have you done at this point?
Seth: Over 10,000.
Me: Do you still get nervous?
Seth: No, not really.
Me: How many talks did it take to stop being nervous?
Seth. About 200.
Me: How long did it take you to do 200 talks?
Seth: 2 years.
Me: So freaking cool.
I was nervous to photograph Seth Godin. Let’s be honest, he’s a legend in the thought leadership space. He’s written over 19 best-selling books, including many that have changed my life. Based on his massive success, I assumed Seth would be difficult to work with.
The exact opposite was true. He was kind, funny and generous. Also very sincere and grounded. My whole team had a blast working with Seth. We got to asked him all sorts of questions. He did not hold back; I was surprised by his openness and candor.
After the photoshoot Seth stuck around for a while to talk about life and told us some amazing stories about his childhood. Before he left, Seth asked for all of our mailing addresses and promised to ship the entire team one of his newest books, which is currently not available to the public.
Before I met Seth, a part of me still held on to the belief that the people at the top of their fields didn’t have time for people like me. But in the end, we all walked away thinking what a remarkable dude.
After that experience, I realized that these people are just like me.
It turns out you don’t have to give up your goodness to be great.
Hello beautiful humans.
I know it’s cold and snowy outside, and that it might feel like forever until spring.
To help keep you warm, I have an incredible offer on my SunChaser photo adventure package.
As of Jan 01, 2020 my price for SunChasers will be $1997.
But if anyone is interested in pre-booking a 2020 SunChaser before the end of this year, I am offering them for $997.
That’s $1000 discount, which is kind of bananas. But I love playing in the sun so much and want to book as many as I can for the spring and summer.
There are a very limited number of SunChasers I can do per year, so if you are interested in pre-booking for yourself or as a gift to someone else, DM or comment below.
The first 5 people to book will receive an additional $100 off. So total will be $897.
Happy holidays!
I was given only 5 minutes with Elizabeth Gilbert. There were 2 people assigned to stand in the back of the room with watches, timing our session, just to make sure she was able to stay on schedule.
She had lots to do that day. She was one of the keynote speakers at Archangel Summit and I was grateful for every second she was able to squeeze in for the shoot.
My original plan was to be cool as a cucumber and pretend like it was no big deal. It took less than 2 seconds for that plan to go out the window. When I went to greet Liz, the first thing that came out of my mouth was, “I love you Liz Gilbert.”
That was not in the plan. The second sentence shot out of my mouth, “You have radically changed my life.” Since playing it cool was no longer an option, I decided to ride the wave and let my heart lead.
I’ll never forget how present and kind she was. When Liz made eye contact or spoke it felt like she really cared. Maybe I’m making this part up — seeing what I want to see. But also, who freaking cares? I’ll never know what she was actually thinking. I’ll never understand what her experience was like.
But what I do know is how deeply that experience impacted me. Those 5 minutes with Liz Gilbert lifted me so high. Gave me so much hope. And for that, I will forever be grateful.
laugh.
dance.
be light.
beloved,
you are the light.
we all are,
and one day soon,
we will return.
Moments after she finished giving a talk to 2,000 people, I met Lisa Nichols for the first time.
For anyone who’s given a talk before, you can imagine that’s a really interesting time to meet someone. Let alone take their photos.
It was backstage at the 2019 Archangel Summit. When she opened the door to the area where we set up our portrait studio, a wave of energy came rushing into the room. Instantly I felt peace and calm through my entire body.
After a few seconds I snapped into photographer mode. I shook her hand and jumped into explaining what type of photos we were taking.
But Lisa wasn’t ready to talk about photos yet. There were 3 other people on my team she had not personally met.
So before we began, she walked over to each one of my assistants and shook all of their hands. She looked into their eyes and shared her sincere warmth and presence with each person. Then Lisa sat down for a few moments as our hair and makeup artist, Lisa Arsenault gave her a post-talk touch up.
That’s when Lisa and I had a conversation that lasted only a few minutes, but left a profound impact on my life.
I felt seen and witnessed in a way that allowed me to access my highest self.
She asked me a question early on in the conversation, “What’s your thing Darius? You have a really unique energy and I can tell you’re more than a photographer.”
This opened up a powerful conversation that I’ll never forget. This brief but poignant exchange of words meant so much to me.
Being in the presence of Lisa’s power lifted me to a new vibration.
We only had a short time together to take photos on that day, but I will never forget the first time I met Lisa Nichols.
This weekend, I asked Jennifer Mansell to take photos of me fully naked.
Why? Because I wanted to feel what it would be like to be one of the men in my new Soft Men portrait book project. (Click here to read the big announcement.)
This book will have 50 black & white portraits of amazing men, all of whom will be fully naked. My intention is to strip away the armour of these men and get as close to their hearts as possible.
This book will be a celebration of their softness. Their sensitivity. Their hearts, and also their power.
What was my first nude photo experience like?
It was difficult. It was triggering. It brought up a lot of shame…
Shame about my body
Shame about my belly
Shame about my body hair
Shame about my penis
But it also brought up a lot of questions…
Who placed this shame inside of me?
Where did it come from?
How long has it been there?
What type of impact has it had on my life?
I know this project has tremendous healing potential. There are so many men walking around in isolation and holding on to secret shame.
A part of me really hopes I can forget this ever happened. But I’m finding ways to be patient and loving with this part of me that’s probably just scared and protective, and feels the pressure of society.
These two simple photos terrify me, but here they are.
I had a vision in my dream last night that I can’t stop thinking about. This vision found me again in my meditation this morning.
It was like watching a film in super HD resolution. The transmission was crystal clear.
It was about the collaboration and publication of a book—unlike any book I have seen before.
The title was Soft Men.
These 2 simple words placed next to each other are very triggering for me.
I was taught by society that a soft man is undesirable. There is no room for men to be soft in our world: soft bellies, soft penises, softness of the heart—these are all seen as shameful.
We literally use the word “soft” to describe a man that is weak; “He’s gone soft.” We demand that men be hard at all times.
Yet I have so many soft men in my life, for whom I am deeply grateful. It took a lot to find them, but they are here now. And I know of others that I follow online and respect deeply. And the vision I had for this book was to capture these soft men through beautiful black and white portrait photography. Each photo collection paired with an intimate essay written by the person being photographed.
The men in the book will all be nude.
The photos will be raw, real and intimate.
Beautifully soft.
(And in this vision? I was in the book too. Also naked. Also soft. Also beautiful and raw.)
Normally I’d keep an idea like this a secret, and maybe tell one or two people. Normally that would result in no accountability. And 9 times out of 10, the project would go nowhere. Lost like a dream, with no anchors to reality.
But I want to make this book.
Because I want to honour the incredible soft men in my life.
I want to find more soft men in the world and celebrate their courage.
I want to encourage more men to open their hearts and soften.
I want to show the world that soft men can change the world.
And I need your help…
I am looking for co-creators for this project. If you know any Soft Men who you think are aligned with this concept, tag them below. Men who are willing to strip away all their armour (and clothing) and let the world see their hearts.
