Last Weekend I Went On A Double Date with My Friend and His Penis

Men, I have a very personal question to ask you. What does your relationship with your penis look like?

First of all, do you even have a relationship?
Do you guys talk?
Do you work well together?
Or are you just two passing ships?

I used to think I had a good relationship with my penis. But then I spent some time with Steve Ballantyne and all of that came crashing down.

Steve and my friend Adil Dhalla were the first two people to introduce me to the concept of Penis Wellness. Penis Wellness is a workshop for men to encourage open dialogue about practices and rituals that could enhance our relationships with our penises. By the end of the workshop, all the men would get naked in a sauna together and would look at each others’ full naked bodies—including each man’s penis—and then they would look into each others eyes and say, “I see you.”

I’m not going to lie, when I first heard about this I laughed—thinking it was a joke. But I have come to understand that my initial mocking reaction came from an inner embarrassment and shame. I grew up believing it was important to hide my penis. The only purpose of my penis was to go to the washroom, self pleasure, and as a tool during sex. Otherwise my penis stayed ignored.

Here’s the funny thing: despite all this, if you would have asked me the question at the beginning of this post, my answer would have been, “I love him. He’s great.”

But did my actions demonstrate love?

If my penis was personified as a romantic partner, I’ve been the worst partner ever.

We never talk, unless I need something.
I shared no gestures or acts of love or intimacy.
I kept him hidden mostly because I was embarrassed to bring him out.
I never talked about him with my friends.
I even called him my “junk”.

Fast-forward to Saturday’s naked SoftMen photoshoot with Steve.

I am in the presence of someone with a deep, intimate, and meaningful relationship with his penis.

It was just like going on a double date with another couple.

You see how loving and connected they are.
How much they care and respect each other.
How much deep intimacy they share for one another.
How much they laugh together and how all that makes them feel super confident and solid.

Then you go home with your partner and get into a big fight.

Full disclosure: that’s EXACTLY what happened to me after my shoot with Steve. I had such a blast during the shoot, but later that night and the next day I started to implode.

It was challenging to be in the presence of a naked man with a deep grounded confidence. His power and boldness made me want to shrink away. I wanted to hide so badly. But the powerful gift I discovered underneath it all was an invitation to explore my own relationship with my body and my penis.

And what I found is that there is definitely room for more love, kindness and a deeper connection.

Steve, thank you for really showing up, and for templating what’s possible for me and men everywhere. I love you brother.